by Julian Sarkissian (Slow Arpeggio)
Hello, I’m Julian.
At the time of writing this I am 14 years old, a freshman in high school, and chock-full of angst. I write music to express how I feel— so basically just to bitch to the universe about whatever shit is happening in my life — however, I take it seriously and put a lot of effort into what I make because it makes me happy.
In this post, I will go through each of the songs on my debut album, “Going Nowhere”, and explore the backstories to each of them.
Listen to the album while reading the text.
I write what I feel, but I don’t always feel what I write.
Going Nowhere
This song is a summation of my middle school experience.
I felt hopeless and alone. I was upset about how things were and felt powerless against the vastness of the universe. I wanted to be happy but only got glimpses of what could have been. These feelings culminated to the writing of this song, which took place during the summer in between 8th and 9th grade.
I was terrified of going to a new school. I thought that nothing would come of it and that things would remain as shitty as they were. I thought I was destined to go nowhere and that whatever I tried would end up hurting me. I was afraid. Although I was thankfully wrong, it has taken me — and still is taking me — a while to recover from that fear.
Day by Day
I struggled with insomnia, and still kind of do. Things would play over and over in my head and I was sick of it, so I wrote this song. I didn’t have much lyrical material because most of it was really dark, so that’s why the middle chunk of the song is instrumental.
And, I like it that way. I’m letting myself breathe and relax. That is why I put this song after “Going Nowhere”; it’s a little break from the intense grandiose instrumentation of “Going Nowhere”.
Dangerous Dancing
Honestly, looking at the lyrics now, I have no f*ing clue what this song’s about. I can see so many different elements and themes, so I’ll just keep this one mysterious 🙂
Fear of the Truth
I felt like I was worthless. I felt like because I couldn’t connect with anyone, I didn’t deserve love. I felt like the internet was hindering me; like I couldn’t keep up with how everyone operated.
The “truth” in the title could be something specific, but I like to think of it as the prospect of “a truth” that I may not like. For example, the truth that I really am worthless. These feelings come back every now and then, but as long as they’re not overwhelming, I can rationalize them away.
Friend Vs Lover (Sorry)
I had friend who liked me romantically. I liked a friend romantically who didn’t like me that way. I wrote a song about how complicated it got. Neither friend liked it, so I added sorry to the title.
Where Do I Go from Here?
I tried to end the album on a hopeful note. This is the last song I wrote before releasing the album. Even though the main focus of this song is love, I was also feeling generally confused about what to do with myself.
What are my goals? What do I want to do? Where do I want to go?
And, frankly, I’m still figuring that out.
Thank you for reading.
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