This is an intimate story illuminating the power of music and my personal healing that has come from my passion for it. The rocky road that it took for me to find myself again, looking past the turmoil to find a brighter future.
For whatever reason, a sizable portion of my life, I have been overly aware and ashamed at the ugliness much of humanity is intentionally entangled in. I have never been quite able to fathom the absurdities, and they certainly have been on an exponentially outrageous rise. A case of recent to point that I vaguely recall and thinking back on it now, I wonder if it was even a factual case because it is really that absurd, a woman was suing or wanted to sue God in our courts for some wrong or something or other He allegedly did to her. How in the heck is that even possible or even considered?
Perfection & Inspiration
There are too many oddities to expand on, and my word count could soar into the billions. Aside and along with that, however, let me confess, I am no saint but no monster either. I haven’t personally met anyone in the flesh who was perfect and the word, folly, comes to mind for anyone seeking it as well as the word, bullshit, for those who think they’ve achieved it.
I have personally and knowingly left errors, errors that the world of music would claim as such, in my music throughout my recording career, although they’ve become subtle over time, I know I will never nor can ever claim it perfect beyond it is perfect for me. Let me clarify, for me when I’ve concluded the writing portion to a new song; it is perfect for me and the Inspiration that brought me to such a wonderful place.
Not that we haven’t gone back to enhance some issues that we’ve mulled over between us, but, an out of tune voice… a seemingly wrong bass note… a line of lyrics that I am not truly fond of, it is as it is because Inspiration said it so, she is happy even when my schooled mind thinks she’s crazy.
Floodgates open up
For informational purposes, I began my formal introduction and practice in music beginning at age 10. The private instruction ended at about 17 or 18, but the learning never stopped even when I wasn’t playing regularly. Before 2015, I wasn’t a recording artist, and my catalog of originals was pretty much non-existent.
At 48 and three years later, I now have 60 some odd tunes recorded fully in various stages of mix and master plus maybe a dozen more still on the lyrical workbench. I was immediately astounded when it all started to pour out of me and not like it came out one glass at a time, I was drenched.
Much of my learning now is D.I.Y. and primarily revolves around mix and mastering as well as the business side to the industry. I am most fond of the creation aspect more, and I wish all my time could be devoted to it. But, a question remains, what happened? What changed that opened the floodgates up?
Music wants me back
I have always had an affinity for words, putting them together and squishing them in with my obscure thoughts and ideas. If there were teams debating me, they would be squabbling over which side understands what the heck I meant the least. The, “he’s speaking gibberish again honey, better call the pharmacy,” is nothing new to me, the family used to tell me I thought too much.
I like pondering, and I like to write. I have always wanted to, and, I have started a few times only to burn the pages on the barbeque, write a book or a novel. In 2014, for five days straight during Easter, I barely ate, I barely slept, but at the end, I had my book. WTF?
Not long after I wrote my book, unpublished, “To Chase the Wind,” and I kid you not, I had a dream that was very real and very vivid at the time but now all I have are the words the dream left me, “Music wants you back!”. There was intent behind that dream and, whatever or whomever or however you determine that the dream was delivered is, a whole entirely different discussion altogether and not truly relevant. What is of interest is, I could not refuse.
Kicking passion’s butt
What happened? Did time ultimately reveal and total up the life experience to get Inspiration’s attention enough to kick Passion’s butt into overdrive instead of lounging around gorging out on Twinkies? Maybe, kind of, sort of. Humanity’s ugliness had to go and infect and disease and pervert my happy go life that I was thoroughly enjoying to the utmost degree at the time. I was devastated, I am still recovering six years later.
Some who know might say, “it was a divorce, get over it,” it was so much more than that and as a result, want to start a group called D.A.D.D., Dads Against (the) Divorce Disease but, I haven’t come across any who really care.
This event, ugliness, was the inspiration for the book and the catapult that flung me into my jungle of words and phrasings, melodies and tempos, crazy ass “semi-schizophrenic (in a good way) alt. rock sounds” as quoted to the official reviewer, a first ever for me, for my 5th album Bitter Dry.
Hope & Responsibility
I am not well known, probably not well liked or thought of in the few small circles I am in. Maybe I overly and eagerly expected too much in the virtual world, trying to find goodness in folk to restore some hope I want to have for humanity, now that I feel able to converse without the venomous explosions and tear ducts opening up.
Mostly I guess, I want to let my music do the talking despite my fingers being drawn to the keyboard like a magnet. My message here to you today is, without the outlandishly fluorescent and Ace Frehley inspired attire, I would like to live on the Earth with an excellent adventure in a Community like Bill and Ted led.
I am hardcore this, music/art does, can and will change the world. It must be tempered with innocence as Bill and Ted have, and I say have because I hear that the Wyld Stallions are back for a third tour! We are those who are looked at for inspiration and are sometimes admired. We should be upright citizens being excellent to one another!